Old people at weddings always poke me and say, "You're next."
So, I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
— Unknown wise person
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an
institution.
— Mae West
Bigamy is having one wife too
many. Monogamy is the same.
— Oscar
Wilde
It's my old girl that advises. She has the head. But I never own to it before her.
Discipline must be maintained.
— Charles Dickens
There are two kinds of marriages — where the husband quotes
the wife, or where the wife quotes the husband.
— Clifford Odets
Advice to the bridegroom: No matter how she treats you, always try to look
a little hurt.
— Unknown wise person
Of course there is such a thing as love, or there wouldn't be
so many divorces.
— Ed Howe
When the blind lead the blind, no wonder they both fall into — matrimony.
— George Farquhar
Marriage is perhaps the most expensive way to get advice for
nothing.
— Unknown wise person
I shall marry in haste and repeat at leisure.
— James Branch Cabell
I would be married, but I'd have no wife.
I would be married to the single life.
— Richard Crashaw (Poet in 17th Century)
Men always wanted to get married, in my experience. So I stayed married to Steve so that I
wouldn't marry them. I didn't like the idea of marriage. I find it too compromising, too confining. My
parents had a 55-year bad marriage. I never knew anyone in a happy marriage.
— Shirley MacLaine at 74
Love is much better when you are not married.
— Maria Callas
There is, hidden or flaunted, a sword between the sexes till an entire marriage reconciles
them.
— C. S. Lewis
I am glad I am not a man, for then I should have to marry a
woman.
— Madame de Staël, French writer, literary patron, and critic
Women now get men's wages, but they always have.
— Unknown wise person
Common sense could prevent most divorces — also most
marriages.
— Unknown wise person
A new report says there is diminishing interest in marriage — mainly from married
people.
— David Letterman
It was so cold I almost got married.
— Shelly Winters
My former wife made me a millionaire. I used to have three million dollars.
— Bobby Hull (Hockey player with Chicago Black Hawks and
Winnipeg Jets)
It is better to be laughed at for not being married than to be unable to
laugh because you are.
— Unknown wise person
In matters of religion and matrimony I never give any advice; because I will not have
anybody's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge.
— Lord Chesterfield
Some people think the proper age for a man to start thinking
of marriage is when he's old enough to realize he shouldn't.
— Unknown wise person
France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the
happiest divorces in the world are "made in America."
— Helen Rowland
Men and women — even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot
enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers.
— Mark Twain
Let there be spaces in your Togetherness.
— Kahlil Gibran
Love is blind but marriage is a real eye opener.
— Unknown wise person
Marriage is for those who have given up the struggle.
— Quentin Crisp
How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and
far more expensive.
— Oscar Wilde
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it
doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
— Mickey Rooney
Never get married in the morning — you never know who you
might meet that night.
— Paul Hornung
Marriage is not a word but a sentence.
— Unknown Wise Person
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
— American Proverb
A man is not a financial retirement plan. But for a troubling number of women,
finding themselves without a man in their later years could be poor planning indeed.
— Annette Sampson, writing in the Sydney Morning Herald
He that goes far to marry, will either deceive or be deceived.
— Benjamin Franklin
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
— Voltaire
Honesty has ruined more marriages than infidelity.
— Charles McCabe
If you are living with a man, you don't have to worry about whether you should sleep with
him after dinner.
— Stephanie Brush
Marriage is ridiculous.
— Goldie Hawn
I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce.
— Susan Vass
Your spouse should be just attractive enough to turn you on.
Anything more is trouble.
— Albert Brooks
Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all
the consequences.
— Isadora Duncan
One man's folly is another man's wife.
— Helen Rowland
The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the
union of a deaf man to a blind woman.
— Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry
him.
— Cher
I believe in the institution of marriage and I intend to keep trying until I get it
right.
— Ricard Pryor
Marriage has driven more than one man to sex.
— Peter De Vries
Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the
inquest.
— Helen Rowland
Marriage is one long conversation, chequered by disputes.
— Robert Louis Stevenson
I am about to be married, and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of
happiness.
— Lord Byron
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just
napping.
— Rita Rudner
Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
— Ambrose Bierce
All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making
love. Good battle is objective and honest-never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and
constructive, and
brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.
— Ann Landers
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.
— Oscar Wilde
How
to Be Happy Though Married (Download for Free)
— Book Title by E. J. (Edward John) Hardy ,
1849-1920
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her, or she'll take it anyway.
— Darcey Adams
A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
— Zsa Zsa Gabor
If you're going to break up with your old lady and you live in a small town, make sure you
don't break up at three in the morning. Because you're screwed — there's nothing to do ... So
make it about nine in the morning.... bullshit around, worry her a little, then come back at seven in the
night.
— Lenny Bruce
It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself.
— Betty Friedan
Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.
— Oscar Levant
When you're married to someone, they take you for granted . . . when you're living with
someone it's fantastic ... they're so frightened of losing you they've got to keep you satisfied all the
time.
— Nell Dunn
The only real argument for marriage is that it remains the
best method for getting acquainted.
— Heywood Broun
When you're bored with yourself, marry, and be bored with
someone else.
— David Pryce Jones
Marriage is an arrangement by which two people start by getting the best out of each other
and often end by getting the worst.
— Gerald Brenan, Thoughts in a Dry Season, 1978
It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take. This is untrue. Any
partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the last, as we flop into our graves exhausted,
we are told that we didn't give enough.
— Quentin Crisp, How To Become a Virgin, 1981
After your marriage, my dear, unpleasant things are bound to happen, but take no notice. I
never did.
— Anonymous aristocrat, advice to her daughter
The glances over cocktails That seemed to be so sweet
Don't seem quite so amorous Over Shredded Wheat.
— Anon
Marriage is an attempt to change a night owl into a homing
pigeon.
— Anon
Marriage is two people agreeing to tell the same lie.
— Karen Durbin
One should always be in love. That is the reason why one should never marry.
— Oscar Wilde
Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious. Both are
disappointed.
— Oscar Wilde
I think people really marry far too much; it is such a lottery after all, and for a poor
woman a very doubtful happiness.
— Victoria, Queen of Great Britain
And so they were married —
to be more together —
And found they were never again so much together —
Divided by the morning tea,
By the evening paper,
By children and tradesmen's bills.
— Louis MacNeice
No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse
whisky than he used to drink when he was single.
— H.L. Mencken
Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and the total amount of undesired
sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.
— Bertrand Russell
We're looking for somthing to fix our marriage. I'm in Barnes
& Noble, he's in Home Depot.
— Woman talking on a cell-phone in Glasbergen cartoon
Marriage is like a besieged fortress. Everyone outside wants to get in, and everyone inside
wants to get out.
— Quitard
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was
happening, so I said to her, "What's the matter, can't you think of anybody either?"
— Rodney Dangerfield
I feel miserable since my wife left me — in fact, it's like having her here with me.
— Unknown wise person
Asked when a man should marry: For a young man, not yet; for an old man, never at all.
— Diogenes
The man who marries for money earns it.
— Unknown wise person
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
— Michel de Montaigne
Marriage is good for nothing but to make friends fall out.
— Thomas Shadwell, The Sullen Lovers, 1668
Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
— William Congreve
Every man plays the fool once in his life, but to marry is to play the fool all one's life
long.
— William Congreve, The Old Bachelor, 1693
Tho' marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools.
— William Congreve
What cloying meat is love, when matrimony's the sauce to it.
— John Vanbrugh, The Provok'd Wife, 1697
Never marry a widow unless her first husband was hanged.
— James Kelly, Scottish proverbs, 1721
Keep thy Eyes wide open before Marriage, and half shut afterwards.
— Thomas Fuller
His designs were strictly honourable, as the phrase is: that is, to rob a lady of her
fortune by way of marriage.
— Henry Fielding
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
— Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
It is possible, though not very probable, that there may be joy in marriage.
— Lord Chesterfield, Letters to his Son, 1774
'Tis safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion.
— Richard Brinsley Sheridan
A gentleman who had been very unhappy in marriage married immediately after his wife died:
Johnson said it was the triumph of hope over experience.
— Samuel Johnson
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never
goes unpunished.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Marriage is a good thing, and so is a bone for a dog; but if you tied it to his tail it
will drive him mad.
— Colonel George Hanger
For the butterfly, mating and propagation involve the sacrifice of life, "for the human
being, the sacrifice of beauty.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Next to being married a girl likes to be crossed in love now and then.
— Jane Austen
A system could not well have been devised more studiously hostile to human happiness than
marriage.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley, Queen Mab (notes), 1813
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner.
— Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon, 1820
Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.
— Honore de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage, 1829
The married woman is a slave whom one must be able to set upon a throne.
— Honore de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage, 1829
The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into
battle.
— Heinrich Heine
The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man
to a blind woman.
— Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Advice to persons about to marry — don't.
— Mr Punch's Almanac
It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out the next morning that
it was someone else.
— Samuel Rogers
Marriage is at best a dangerous experiment.
— Thomas Love Peacock
No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons
until he is married.
— Benjamin Disraeli
Every woman should marry — and no man.
— Benjamin Disraeli, Lothair, 1870
If we take matrimony at its lowest ... if we regard it as no more than a sort of friendship
recognised by the police.
— Robert Louis Stevenson
You may carve it on his tombstone, you may cut it on his card That a young man married is a
young man marred.
— Rudyard Kipling
The honeymoon is the period when the bride still trusts the groom's word of honour.
— Anonymous
If we men married the women we deserve, we should have a very bad time of it.
— Oscar Wilde
Many a promising career has been wrecked by marrying the
wrong sort of woman.
— Robertson Davies
What do I know about sex? I'm a married man.
— Tom Clancy
It's difficult to tell who gives some couples the most
happiness, the preacher who married them or the judge who divorced them.
— Unknown wise unmarried person
Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.
— Unknown wise observant person
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she
used me to time an egg.
— Rodney Dangerfield
The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married.
— Cyril Connolly
One does not find happiness in marriage, but takes happiness
into marriage.
— Unknown wise person
You know why divorce costs so much? Because it is worth
it!
— Dan O'Brien
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or, you can get married
and wish you were dead.
— Unknown Wise Person
If a woman hasn't met the right man by the time she's 24, she
may be lucky.
— Deborah Kerr
I'd like a clause in my marriage vows that allows me to be single one week a month.
— Unknown wise person
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is
wrong with me.
— Elayne Boosler
I used to be well read and in great physical shape before
marriage. Now I am coping with a wife who says I don't spend enough time with her, three kids, working
sixty hours a week, visiting friends, relatives and in-laws, and running errands all weekend. I don't have
even a minute for myself for the things I really love to do.
— Unknown wise person
Books and marriage go ill together.
— Molière
He marries best who puts it off until it is too late.
— H. L. Mencken
I have no wish for a second husband. I had enough of the first. I have to have my own way —
to lie down mistress, and get up master.
— Susanna Moodie
Just because a girl's married ain't no sign she hasn't loved and lost.
— kin Hubbard
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
— Anton Chekhov
I think it can be stated without denial that no man ever saw a man he would be willing to
marry if he were a woman.
— George Gibbs
It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
— George Bernard Shaw
If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
— George Ade
When you see what some girls marry, you realise how much they must hate to work for a
living.
— Helen Rowland, Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, 1909
Even if a man was delightful, no woman would marry him if she knew what he was like.
— E.F. Benson, Paul, 1906
Marriage: the conventional ending of a love affair. A lonesome state.
— Oliver Herford and John Clay, Cupid's Cyclopedia, 1910
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar — a practice which is still continued.
— Helen Rowland
It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's
separating himself from all the others.
— Helen Rowland
Marriage — a souvenir of love.
— Helen Rowland
Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and
two slaves, making in all, two.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Wedding, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to
become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
— Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
Marriage is a good deal like a circus: there is not as much in it as is represented in the
advertising.
— Edgar Watson Howe
Marriage is distinctly and repeatedly excluded from heaven. Is this because it is thought
likely to mar the general felicity?
— Samuel Butler
In matrimony to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
— Samuel Butler
The conjugal bedroom is the coexistence of brutality and martyrdom.
— Karl Kraus
If people waited to know each other before they were married,
the world wouldn't be so grossly over-populated.
— W. Somerset Maugham
When a man marries it is no more than a sign that the feminine talent for persuasion and
intimidation ... has forced him into a more or less abhorrent compromise with his own honest inclinations
and best interests.
— H.L. Mencken
Marriage, in life, is like a duel in the midst of a battle.
— Edmond About
Women are always anxious to urge bachelors to matrimony; is
it from charity or revenge?
— Gustave Vapereau
To marry a woman who you love and who loves you is to lay a wager with her as to who will
stop loving the other first.
— Alfred Capus
A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who
marries a man to reform him.
— Elbert Hubbard
A marriage is likely to be what is called happy if neither party ever expected to get much
happiness out of it. Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals, 1929
Many a necklace becomes a noose.
— Paul Eldridge
There are various forms of a certain disease, the victim of which is unable to say, `No'.
Some of these forms are more serious than others and often lead to electrocution or marriage.
— Robert Benchley
Marriage is the waste paper basket of the emotions.
— Sidney Webb
Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of" the art of insincerity possible
between two human beings.
— Vicki Baum
Very few modern women either like or desire marriage,
especially after the ceremony has been performed. Primarily women wish attention and affection. Matrimony
is something they accept when there is no alternative. Really, it is a waste of time, and hazardous, to
marry them. It leaves one open to a rival. Husbands, good or bad, always have rivals. Lovers, never.
— Helen Lawrenson
Marriage is like paying an endless visit in your worst clothes.
— J.B. Priestley
The complaints which anyone voices against his mate indicate exactly the qualities which
stimulated attraction before marriage.
— Dr Rudolf Dreikurs
All married women should make a habit of saying, `In spite of everything dear, I'm still
devoted to you.'
— Eric Linklater
Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they
didn't, they would be married too.
— M. L. Mencken
Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and
women their happiness.
— Virginie des Rieux
There is probably nothing like living together for blinding people to each other.
— Ivy Compton-Burnett
Love, for too many people in our time, consists of sleeping with a seductive woman, one who
is properly endowed with the right distribution of curves and conveniences, and one upon whom a permanent
lien has been acquired through the institution of marriage.
— Ashley Montagu
Marriage is a vulgar effort on the part of dull people to bring boredom to a fine art.
— J.B. Morton
Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his
taste he should at once throw up his job and go to work in the brewery.
— George Jean Nathan
Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.
— William Shakespeare
A fool and her money are soon married.
— Unknown wise person
Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.
— Kin Hubbard
Don't marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.
— William Shakespeare
Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.
— Groucho Marx in the movie Duck Soup
No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough,
before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first.
— Cesare Pavese
No matter her past, when a chambermaid marries a lord she becomes a lady.
— Latin proverb
Never let a domestic quarrel ruin a day's writing. If you can't start the
day fresh, get rid of your wife.
— One of Mario Puzo's rules for writing a best-selling novel
Deceive not thyself by over-expecting happiness in the married estate. . . . Remember the
nightingales which sing only some months in the spring, but commonly are silent when they have hatched
their eggs, as if their mirth were turned into care for their young ones.
— Thomas Fuller
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
— Max Kauffmann
The first part of our marriage was very happy But then, on
the way back from the ceremony . . .
— Henny Youngman
There is, indeed, nothing that so much seduces reason from vigilance, as the thought of
passing life with an amiable woman.
— Samuel Johnson
If you are living with a man, you don't have to worry about whether you should sleep with
him after dinner.
— Stephanie Brush
WEBSITE COPYRIGHT ©
2022 by Ernie J. Zelinski
