Sensational Quotes for Smart People

 

Quotations about Dating 

Dating

  First Top-10 List of Sensational

Dating Quotes

(To be used as serious dating tips or otherwise)

#1 of Top-10 Sensational Dating Quotes

I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?
- Kristin Davis

#2 of Top-10 Sensational Dating Quotes

How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit suicide?
- Judy Tenuta

#3 of Top-10Sensational Dating Quotes

I enjoy dating married men because they don't want anything kinky - like breakfast.
- Joni Rodgers

#4 of Top-10 Sensational Dating Quotes

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.   
- Bumper Sticker

#5 of Top-10 Sensational Dating Quotes

I won't say if I'm single or dating or married or divorced. There's boundaries.
- Tyra Banks

#6 of Top-10 Sensational Dating Quotes

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
- Garry Shandling

#7 of Top-10 Sensational Dating Quotes

Dating means doing a lot of fun things you will never do again if you get married. The fun stops with marriage because you're trying to save money for when you split up your property.
- Dave Barry

#8 of Top-10 Sensational Dating Quotes

This is my last year to fool around. Then I'm going to settle down
and marry a rock star.
- from the 1986 movie Modern Girls

#9 of Top-10 Sensational Dating Quotes

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman

#10 of Top-10 Sensational Dating Quotes

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!
- Rodney Dangerfield

Second Top-Ten List of Sensational

Quotations about Dating

(To be used as serious dating tips for otherwise)

#1 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

Men generally pay for all expenses on a date . . . either sex, however, may bring a little gift, its value to be determined by the bizarrness of the sexual request to be made later that evening.
- P. J. O'Rourke

#2 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

I used to go out exclusively with actresses and other female impersonators.
- Mort Sahl

#3 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
- Garry Shandling

#4 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

Never date a woman you can hear ticking.
- Mark Patinkn

#5 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
- Susan Healy

#6 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

I turned down a date once becaue I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the foodchain.
- Judy Tenuta

#7 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

I was dating this girl for two years - and right away the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name."
- Mikey Binder

#8 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children  to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

#9 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

Never date a woman whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are she believes it.
- Anonymous

#10 of Top-Ten Sensational Quotes about Dating

Sleep with a guy once and before you know it, he wants to take you to dinner!
- Mires Yori.

 

 More Sensational Quotations and Sayings about Dating for Smart People 

Some of the following quotes about dating may serve as serious dating tips; others, particularly the funny dating quotes, can be looked as plain entertainment instead of using them as tips for dating.

What's nice about my dating life is that I don't have to leave my house. All I have to do is read the paper: I'm marrying Richard Gere, dating Daniel Day-Lewis, parading around with John F. Kennedy, Jr., and even Robert De Niro was in there for a day.
- Julia Roberts

For the modern girl, opportunity doesn't knock. It parks in front of her home and honks the horn.
- Unknown wise person

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine!
- Senator Barry Goldwater 

Your spouse should be just attractive enough to turn you on. Anything more is trouble.
- Albert Brooks
 

Time is so much kinder to a man than to a woman that a careful bachelor often lives to flirt with [and even date] the daughter of the woman he once came within an ace of marrying.
— Arthur Binstead

Dates used to be made days or even weeks in advance. Now dates tend to be made the day after. That is, you get a phone call from someone who says, "If anyone asks, I was out to dinner with you last night, okay?"
- P. J. O'Rourke

Dear men;
Actually, our dream isn't finding
the perfect guy. It's being able to
eat anything without getting fat.
— Sincerely, Women

Careful ... the guy that sweeps you off your feet is in the perfect position to drop you on your ass.
— Unknown wise woman

The bad guys lie to get in your bed and the good guys lie to get in your heart.
— Unknown wise woman

It's relaxing to go out with my ex-wife because she already knows I'm an idiot.
- Warren Thomas

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her
if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
- Rodney Dangerfield

The female sex has no greater fan than I, and I have the bills to prove it.
- Alan Jay Lerner

If you are looking for a kindly, well-to-do older gentleman who is no longer interested in sex, take out an ad in The Wall Street Journal.
- Abigail Van Buren

Cute rots the intellect.
- Garfield (Jim Davis)

I have been in more laps than a napkin.
- Mae West

He's such a hick that he doesn't even have a trapeze in his bedroom.
- Anon

After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
- Joan Rivers

She was so wild that she got her tongue stuck in the toaster every time she made French toast.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I did not sleep. I never do when I am over-happy, over-unhappy, or in bed with a strange man.
- Edna O'Brien

I haven't met Mr. Right yet; but I have met Mr. Cheap, Mr. Rude, and Mr. Married.
- Graffiti in women's washroom

I love AA meetings . . . that’s where all the drunk sluts are.
- Graffiti in men's washroom

I can understand companionship. I can understand bought sex in the afternoon. I cannot understand the love affair.
- Gore Vidal

Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.
- Mae West

One should always be wary of someone who promises that their love will last longer than a weekend.
- Quentin Crisp

She abounds with lucious faults.
- Quintilian

Most girls prefer the stong, solvent type.
- Unknown wise person

The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.
- Madame de Staël

I want my wife and my girlfriend to get along.
- On T-Shirt available from www.Zazzle.com 

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
- Dick Marlin

The trouble with living in sin is the shortage of closet space.
- Missy Dizick

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Stupidity is too often beauty's imperfection.
- French proverb

Archaeologists will date any old thing.
- Graffiti

Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
- Nelson Algren

I'd asked girls out and they'd turn me down, and so finally it got
to the place where you didn't want to be rejected. And so you just
didn't ask.
- Robert Packwood

I think you should not limit yourself to dating somebody older or younger.
- Loni Anderson

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
- Woody Allen

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
- P. J. O'Rourke

I'm not afraid of intimacy, as long it's shallow meaningless intimacy that doesn't reveal too much about myself.
- Glasbergen Cartoon in Going Bonkers Magazine

Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed dating for clueless people.
- Doug Coupland

Men seldom make passess
At girls who wear glasses.
— Dorothy Parker

When I had no work and all this time on my hands, I couldn't get a
date. Now that I have women banging on my door, I have no time to answer it.
- Scott Wolf

You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation
- Song Title

They wrote that I'd gained 30 pounds over the summer and lost it in a week because I was dating three guys at once!
- Yasmine Bleeth

If people waited to know each other before they were married, the
world wouldn't be so grossly over-populated.
- W. Somerset Maugham
 
My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.
- Jenny McCarthy

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. A man of 35 thinks of Dating children.
- Murphy's Laws of Sex

Won't you come into my garden? I would like my roses to see you.
- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (to a young lady)

I only date stewardesses. Or maybe it just seems that way.
Women always seem to be showing me the exits.
- Scott Roeben

It takes half the amount of time you dated someone to get over them.
- Sex and the City (American TV series with Sarah Jessica Parker)

I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows.
- Andy Warhol

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Distrust all those who love you extremely upon a very slight acquaintance and without viable reason.
- Lord Chesterfield

Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. Will obtain plastic surgery if necessary.
- Sure-fire singles ad by Joe Bob Briggs

If the phone doesn't ring, it's me.
- Song by Jimmy Buffet

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.
- Garry Shandling

I'd asked girls out and they'd turn me down, and so finally it got
to the place where you didn't want to be rejected. And so you just
didn't ask.
- Robert Packwood

Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship.
- On bumper sticker

When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky A woman already knows.
- Frederike Ryder

Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
- Bookstore pick-up line by David Letterman

The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
- Bill Maher

Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!
- Bumper Sticker

Wink, I'll do the rest!
- Bumper Sticker

Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You
- Song Title

If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It
- Song Title

I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
- Song Title

How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
- Song Title

I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me
- Song Title

I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
- Song Title

I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
- Song Title

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
- Song Title

'Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an angel.
— William Makepeace Thackeray

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy. I'm dating a pregnant woman.
- Ronny Richards.

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.
- Scott Roeben

Rumors about me? Calista Flockhart, Pam Anderson, and Matt Damon. That's who I'm dating.
- Ben Affleck

My grandmother's 90. She's dating. He's about 93.
It's going great. They never argue. They can't hear each other.
- Catherine Ladman.

That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.
- Actor Matthew McConaghey in the movie Dazed and Confused (1993, Screenwriter: Richard Linklater)

I like younger women - their stories are shorter.
- Tom McGuane

Sensational Quotes about

Computer Dating and Online Dating

Do you believe in computer dating?
Only if the computers really love each other.
- Groucho Marx

One good thing about Internet dating: you're guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.
- Unknown wise person.

My computer dating bureau came up with a perfect gentleman. Still, I've got another three goes.
- Sally Poplin

Computerized dating can save a lot of guesswork - but so can a bikini.
- Ed Parrish

Computer dating? It's terrific if you're a computer!
- Rita Mae Brown

I can barely even run a computer. God knows what I'd get on online dating. I'd get something that was subhuman or something.
- Stockard Channing

 Sensational Quotes about

Dating and Money

Fidelity to the subject's thougAny idiot would know women's needs are simple. All we want is your basic millionaire/brain surgeon/criminal lawyer/ great dancer who pilots his own Lear Jet and owns oceanfront property. On the other hand, things being what they are today, most of us will settle for a guy who holds down a steady job and isn't carrying an infectious disease.
- Linda Sunshine

If you're given a choice between money and sex appeal - take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.
- Katharine Hepburn

A fool and her money are soon courted.
- Helen Rowland

I'd like to have a girl, and I'm saving my money so I can get a good one.
- Bob Nickman 

Tips about Dating People at Work

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax deductable.
- Andy Warhol (Exposures, 1979)

Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers.
- P. J. O'Rourke

There is nothing so awkward as courting a woman whilst she is making  sausages.
- Laurence Sterne 

WEBSITE COPYRIGHT © 2011 by Ernie J. Zelinski

Retirement

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Daily Quote:

The law of floatation was not discovered by contemplating the sinking of things.
— Thomas Troward

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Second Quote of the Day

Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.
— Norman Vincent Peale   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Third Quote of the Day:

The most powerful force
in the Universe that can shatter
dreams is the dreamer.
— from Life's Secret Handbook" by Ernie J.Zelinsk