What's nice about my dating life is that I don't
have to leave my house. All I have to do is read the paper: I'm marrying Richard Gere, dating Daniel
Day-Lewis, parading around with John F. Kennedy, Jr., and even Robert De Niro was in there for a
day.
- Julia Roberts
For the modern girl, opportunity doesn't knock. It parks in
front of her home and honks the horn.
- Unknown wise person
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I
didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with
his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine!
- Senator Barry Goldwater
Your spouse should be just attractive enough to turn you on.
Anything more is trouble.
- Albert Brooks
Time
is so much kinder to a man than to a woman that a careful bachelor often lives to flirt with [and even
date] the daughter of the woman he once came within an ace of marrying.
— Arthur Binstead
Dates used to be made days or even weeks in advance. Now dates tend to be made the day
after. That is, you get a phone call from someone who says, "If anyone asks, I was out to dinner with you
last night, okay?"
- P. J. O'Rourke
Dear men;
Actually, our dream isn't finding
the perfect guy. It's being able to
eat anything without getting fat.
— Sincerely, Women
Careful ... the guy that sweeps you off your feet is in the
perfect position to drop you on your ass.
— Unknown wise woman
The bad guys lie to get in your bed and the good guys lie to get in your heart.
— Unknown wise woman
It's relaxing to go out with my ex-wife because she already
knows I'm an idiot.
- Warren Thomas
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her
if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
- Rodney Dangerfield
The female sex has no greater fan than I, and I have the
bills to prove it.
- Alan Jay Lerner
If you are looking for a kindly, well-to-do older gentleman
who is no longer interested in sex, take out an ad in The Wall Street Journal.
- Abigail Van Buren
Cute rots the intellect.
- Garfield (Jim Davis)
I have been in more laps than a napkin.
- Mae West
He's such a hick that he doesn't even have a trapeze in his
bedroom.
- Anon
After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
- Joan Rivers
She was so wild that she got her tongue stuck in
the toaster every time she made French toast.
- Rodney Dangerfield
I did not sleep. I never do when I am over-happy, over-unhappy, or in bed with a strange
man.
- Edna O'Brien
I haven't met Mr. Right yet; but I have met Mr. Cheap, Mr.
Rude, and Mr. Married.
- Graffiti in women's washroom
I love AA meetings . . . that’s where all the drunk sluts
are.
- Graffiti in men's washroom
I can understand companionship. I can understand bought sex in the afternoon. I cannot
understand the love affair.
- Gore Vidal
Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will
repeat itself.
- Mae West
One should always be wary of someone who promises that their love will last longer than a
weekend.
- Quentin Crisp
She abounds with lucious faults.
- Quintilian
Most girls prefer the stong, solvent type.
- Unknown wise person
The desire of the man is for the woman, but the desire of the
woman is for the desire of the man.
- Madame de Staël
I want my wife and my girlfriend to get along.
- On T-Shirt available from www.Zazzle.com
I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like
getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.
- Dick Marlin
The trouble with living in sin is the shortage of closet space.
- Missy Dizick
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in
women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
- P. J. O'Rourke
Stupidity is too often beauty's imperfection.
- French proverb
Archaeologists will date any old thing.
- Graffiti
Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than
you.
- Nelson Algren
I'd asked girls out and they'd turn me down, and so finally it got
to the place where you didn't want to be rejected. And so you just
didn't ask.
- Robert Packwood
I think you should not limit yourself to dating somebody
older or younger.
- Loni Anderson
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on
Saturday night.
- Woody Allen
Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife.
- P. J. O'Rourke
I'm not afraid of intimacy, as long it's shallow meaningless
intimacy that doesn't reveal too much about myself.
- Glasbergen Cartoon in Going Bonkers Magazine
Workshops and seminars are basically financial speed dating for clueless people.
- Doug Coupland
Men seldom make passess
At girls who wear glasses.
— Dorothy Parker
When I had no work and all this time on my hands, I couldn't get a
date. Now that I have women banging on my door, I have no time to answer it.
- Scott Wolf
You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation
- Song Title
They wrote that I'd gained 30 pounds over the summer and lost it in a week because I was
dating three guys at once!
- Yasmine Bleeth
If people waited to know each other before they were married, the
world wouldn't be so grossly over-populated.
- W. Somerset Maugham
My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.
- Jenny McCarthy
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. A man of 35 thinks of Dating children.
- Murphy's Laws of Sex
Won't you come into my garden? I would like my roses to see
you.
- Richard Brinsley Sheridan (to a young lady)
I only date stewardesses. Or maybe it just seems that way.
Women always seem to be showing me the exits.
- Scott Roeben
It takes half the amount of time you dated someone to get over them.
- Sex and the City (American TV series with Sarah Jessica Parker)
I had a lot of dates but I decided to stay home and dye my eyebrows.
- Andy Warhol
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a
second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Distrust all those who love you extremely upon a very slight acquaintance and without
viable reason.
- Lord Chesterfield
Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his
money. Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. Will
obtain plastic surgery if necessary.
- Sure-fire singles ad by Joe Bob Briggs
If the phone doesn't ring, it's me.
- Song by Jimmy Buffet
I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into
staying over.
- Garry Shandling
I'd asked girls out and they'd turn me down, and so finally it got
to the place where you didn't want to be rejected. And so you just
didn't ask.
- Robert Packwood
Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship.
- On bumper sticker
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky A woman already knows.
- Frederike Ryder
Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
- Bookstore pick-up line by David Letterman
The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
- Bill Maher
Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.!
- Bumper Sticker
Wink, I'll do the rest!
- Bumper Sticker
Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You
- Song Title
If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It
- Song Title
I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
- Song Title
How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
- Song Title
I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me
- Song Title
I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
- Song Title
I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
- Song Title
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
- Song Title
'Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an
angel.
— William Makepeace Thackeray
Yeah, I'm kind of lazy. I'm dating a pregnant woman.
- Ronny Richards.
I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought
any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.
- Scott Roeben
Rumors about me? Calista Flockhart, Pam Anderson, and Matt
Damon. That's who I'm dating.
- Ben Affleck
My grandmother's 90. She's dating. He's about 93.
It's going great. They never argue. They can't hear each other.
- Catherine Ladman.
That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I keep getting older, they stay the
same age.
- Actor Matthew McConaghey in the movie Dazed and Confused (1993, Screenwriter: Richard
Linklater)
I like younger women - their stories are shorter.
- Tom McGuane
