Laughter is pleasant, but the exertion [at my age] is too much for
me.
— Thomas Love Peacock
Fear not death; for the sooner we die, the longer we shall be
immortal.
— Ben Franklin
Some people think the proper age for a man to start thinking
of marriage
is when he's old enough to realize he shouldn't.
— Unknown wise person
The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose
all the other ages you've been.
— Madeleine L'Engle
Retirement is the beginning of life — not the end.
— from the international bestseller How
to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free
And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life
in your years.
— Abraham Lincoln
Why should society feel responsible only for the education of children, and
not for the education of all adults of every age?
— Erich Fromm
This is a youth-oriented society, and the joke is on them
because youth is a disease from which we all recover.
— Dorothy Fuldheim
There is a fountain of youth. It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to
your life, and the lives of the people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will have truly
defeated age.
— Sophia Loren
I'm at the age where food
has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a
mirror put over my kitchen table.
— Rodney Dangerfield
Never date a woman you can hear ticking.
— Mark Patinkn
The sports car and sailboat are investments for my
retirement. I'm using them to attract a woman who will support me in my old age.
— Glasbergen talking to financial consultant in cartoon
A man's as old as he's feeling, a woman as old as she looks.
— Mortimer Collins
THE 2,000-YEAR-OLD MAN'S SECRETS OF LONGEVITY
1. Don't run for a bus — there'll always be another.
2. Never, ever touch fried food.
3. Stay out of a Ferrari or any other small Italian car.
4. Eat fruit — a nectarine — even a rotten plum is good.
— Mel Brooks
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you
wanted to.
— Joe Gores
To be seventy years young is sometimes more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.
— Unknown wise person
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly
stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man
had learned in seven years.
— Mark Twain
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
— Groucho Marx
You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in
contact with a new idea.
— Unknown wise person
When a woman tells you her age, it's all right to look surprised, but don't scowl.
— Wilson Mitner
To know how to grow old is the master work of wisdom, and one of the most
difficult chapters in the great art of living.
— Henri Freu'eric Amiel
I don't think about my age. It's only a number.
— James Biggs (104-year-old resident in a Dallas retirement-community)
About the only good thing you can say about old age is, it's better than
being dead!
— Stephen Leacock
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
— Will Rogers
If the soul has food for study and learning,
nothing is more delightful than an old age of leisure.
— Cicero
There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.
— Richard Armour
Whatever poet, orator or sage may say of it, old age is still old age.
— Sinclair Lewis
Forget how old you are — this gets more important the older
you get!
— from the bestseller How
to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free
As soon as a man acquires fairly good sense, it is said that he is an old fogy.
— Ed Howe
I'm not interested in age. People who tell their age are silly. You're as
old as you feel.
— Elizabeth Arden
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
— Groucho Marx
Old-fogyism is comfortably closing in.
— Edmund Wilson
The older they get the better they were when they were younger.
— Jim Bouton
If God had to give a woman wrinkles, He might at least have put them on the soles of her
feet.
—Ninon de Lenclos
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in
August.
— Ronnie Shakes
It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are.
— Graffiti
Whoever saw old age that did not applaud the past and condemn the present?
— Michel de Montaigne
I don't want to achieve immortality through my
work . . . I want to achieve it through not dying.
— Woody Allen
One should never make one's debut with a scandal. One should reserve that to give an
interest to one's old age.
— Oscar Wilde
If you want to stay young-looking, pick your parents very
carefully.
— Dick Clark
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
— Satchel Paige
When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.
— Prue Leith
The true way to render age vigorous is to prolong the youth of the mind.
— Mortimer Collins
Become old early if you wish to stay old long.
— Dionysius Cato
No one is so old as to think he cannot live one more year.
— Cicero, 106-43 B.C., Roman orator and statesman
The best thing about getting old is that all those things you couldn't have when you were
young you no longer want.
— L. S. McCandless
You have to be an antique to appreciate them.
— Fay Madigan Lange
A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.
— John Steinbeck
Advice to men over fifty: Keep an open mind and a closed
refrigerator.
— Unknown wise person
When a man gets too old to set a bad example, he usually starts giving good advice.
— Unknown wise person
I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old
level.
— Dana Carvey
Everyone has been a child. All can understand through muffled memory how childhood was. But
none has been old except those who are that now.
—Bert Kruger Smith
Life is a country that the old have seen, and lived in.
Those who have to travel through it can only learn from them.
—Joseph Joubert
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on old fiddles.
— Sigmund Z Engel
The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings
wisdom.
— H. L. Mencken
There is only one thing age can give you, and that is wisdom.
—S. I. Hayakawa
Giving up is the ultimate tragedy.
— Robert J. Donovan
Old age is when you first realize other people's faults are no worse than
your own.
— Edgar A. Shoaff
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the
cake.
— Bob Hope
I'm saving that rocker for the day when I feel as old as I really am.
— Dwight D. Eisenhower
If I'd known I was going to live so long, I'd have taken better care of
myself.
— Leon Eldred
First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget
to pull your zipper down.
— Leo Rosenberg
“Old” is definitely not cool in America. Never has been.
— Tom Peters
I'm sixty-five and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics, but if there were fifteen months in
every year, I'd only be forty-eight.
— James Thurber
To me, old age is fifteen years older than I am.
— Bernard M. Baruch
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week
or two he will feel as good as ever.
— Don Marquis
Children are a great comfort in your old age — and they help you reach it faster.
— Lionel Kauffman
I have discovered the secret formula for a carefree Old Age: IYCRI = FI — "If You Can't Recall It,
Forget It."
— Goodman Ace
Age only matters when one is aging. Now that I have arrived at a great
age, I might just as well be twenty.
— Pablo Picasso
The worst thing about growing old is having to listen to a lot of advice from one's children.
— Unknown wise person
Old age is that period when a man is too old to take advice but young enough to give it.
— Unknown wise person
Age is what makes furniture worth more and people worth less.
— Unknown wise person
Which do you suppose ages faster — whiskey or the man who drinks it?
— Unknown wise person
Age is like love. It cannot be hidden.
— Unknown wise person
Forty is the age when you begin to realize how much fun you had when you were twenty.
— Unknown wise person
By the time a man finds greener pastures, he's too old to climb the
fence.
— Unknown wise person
A man is usually as young as he feels but seldom as important.
— Unknown wise person
The time-tested method of slowing down advancing age seems to be misrepresentation.
— Unknown wise person
Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at
fifty.
— Coco Chanel
I'll tell ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.
— Bob Hope
You're never too old to become younger.
— Mae West
The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists
the circulation of the blood.
— Logan Pearsall Smith
An inordinate passion for pleasure is the secret of remaining young.
— Oscar Wilde
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
— Lucille Ball
Age is the best possible fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
— Unknown wise person
The awkward age is when you are too old for the Peace Corps and too young for Social Security.
— Unknown wise person
Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.
— Unknown wise person
Age has nothing to do with learning new ways to be stupid.
— Unknown wise person
Never think oldish thoughts. It’s oldish thoughts that make a person
old.
— James A.Farley
He who is of a calm and happy nature will hardly feel the pressure of age,
but to him who is of an opposite disposition youth and age are equally a burden.
— Plato
If you survive long enough, you're revered — rather like an old building.
— Katharine Hepburn
Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form.
— Andre Maurois
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
— George Burns
You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.
— Bonnie Pruden
When you get past fifty, you have to decide whether to keep your face or your figure. I kept my
face.
— Barbara Cartland
The first sign of age ... is when you go out into the streets ... and recognize for the first time how
young the policemen look.
— Seymore Hicks
So death, the most terrifying of ills, is nothing to us, since so long as
we exist, death is not with us; but when death comes, then we do not exist. It does not then concern either
the living or the dead, since for the former it is not, and the latter are no more.
— Epicurus, Greek philosopher
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that
the phone is for you.
— Fran Lebowitz
The trick is growing up without growing old.
— Casey Stengel
The answer to old age is to keep one's mind busy and to go on with one's life as if it were
interminable. I always admired Chekhov for building a new house when he was dying of tuberculosis.
— Leon Edel
Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little.
— Herman "Jackrabbit" Smith-Johannsen
When you get older you have to be careful about always saying, "Things aren't as good as they used to
be." But it's hard not o.
— Andy Rooney
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
— Rita Rudner
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and
start bragging about it.
— Will Rogers
I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing all the time.
— Greer Garson
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
— George Burns
Curmudgeons are not, to quote Spiro Agnew, merely "nattering nabobs of negativism." We serve a useful
function by saying out loud what polite people merely think. We're also a lot of fun at parties. Not that
we ever get invited.
— Dennis Rogers
Life is long if it is full.
— Seneca
You have to put off being young until you can retire.
— Unknown wise person
My health is good; it's my age that's bad.
— Roy Acuff (at 83)
You know you're old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you do while you're down
there.
— George Burns
I am in the prime of senility.
— Joel Chandler Harris
I'll never make the mistake of bein' seventy again!
— Casey Stengel
To grow old is to pass from passion to compassion.
—Albert Camus
Youth is a blunder; manhood a struggle; old age a regret.
— Benjamin Disraeli
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.
— Victor Hugo
Now that I'm over sixty, I'm veering toward respectability.
— Shelley Winters
Don't die.
— William M. Gaines
I refuse to admit that I'm more than fifty-two even if that does make my sons illegitimate.
— Lady Astor
Everyone is the age of their heart.
— Guatemalan proverb
A light heart lives long.
— William Shakespeare
He is so old that his blood type was discontinued.
— Bill Dana
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
— Robert Benchley
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
— Bob Hope
An old man in love is like a flower in winter.
— Portuguese proverb
The older one grows the more one likes indecency.
— Virginia Woolf
I've always been a bit more maturer than what I am.
— Samantha Fox
Time and trouble will tame an advanced woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly
force.
— Dorothy L. Sayers
Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
— George Bernard Shaw
Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that happen to a man.
— Leon Trotsky
I have always felt that a woman has the right to treat the subject of her age with ambiguity until,
perhaps, she passes into the realm of over ninety. Then it is better she be candid with herself and with
the world.
— Helena Rubinstein
Seen it all. Done it all. Can't remember most of it.
— Retirement Saying
At my age getting lucky is finding the car in the parking lot.
— Author Unknown
Retired: I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.
— Author Unknown
He who devotes sixteen hours a day to hard study may become at sixty as wise as he thought himself at
twenty.
— Mary Wilson Little
Retired: Too Old to Work — Too Young to Die.
— Retirement Saying
The Older I Get the Better I Was!
— Retirement Saying
I'm Not Old, I'm CLASSIC
— Retirement Saying
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
— Bette Davis
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
— Mark Twain
When the majority of people get my age, once they retire and get Social
Security they lay on the couch and do nothing. The next thing you know, they're not with us any more.
— 77-year-old Retiree August Gonsoulin
Am I older than dirt? I knew dirt when it was still a rock!
— Unknown wise person
Now that I'm older I thought it was great that I seemed to have more patience. Turns out I just don't
give a shit.
— Unknown wise person
Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.
— George Bernard Shaw.
For a happy day, look for something bright and beautiful in nature.
Listen for a beautiful sound, speak a kind word to some person, and do something nice for someone without
their knowledge.
— Unknown 85-year-old Wise Retired Person
We've entered a new age of old age. The possibility of experiencing positive, vital aging lasting into
our tenth decade of life is one of the new realities of the 21st century.
— James Firman, Ed.D., President and CEO of NCOA
That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.
— Actor Matthew McConaghey in the movie Dazed and Confused
I like younger women — their stories are shorter.
— Tom McGuane
Men who have reached and passed forty-five, have a look as if waiting for the secret of the other world,
and as if they were perfectly sure of having found out the secret of this.
— Benjamin Haydon
To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.
— Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
I'm aiming by the time I'm fifty to stop being an adolescent.
— Wendy Cope
When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get
credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.
— I. F. Stone
The dead might as well try to speak to the living as the old to the young.
— Willa Cather
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you
have to do is live long enough.
— Groucho Marx
You can only perceive real beauty in a person as they get older.
— Anouk Aimée
The heart never grows better by age; I fear rather worse; always harder. A young liar will be an old one,
and a young knave will only be a greater knave as he grows older.
Lord Chesterfield
I shall soon be six-and-twenty. Is there anything in the future that can possibly console us for not being
always twenty-five?
— Lord Byron
No gray hairs streak my soul,
no grandfatherly fondness there!
I shake the world with the might of my voice,
and walk — handsome,
twentytwoyearold.
— Vladimir Mayakovsky
I have always felt that a woman has the right to treat the subject of her age with ambiguity until,
perhaps, she passes into the realm of over ninety. Then it is better she be candid with herself and with
the world.
— Helena Rubinstein
It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that I was no longer a boy. From that
moment I began to grow old in my own esteem — and in my esteem age is not estimable.
— Lord Byron
I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.
— Alan Bleasdale
The older you get the stronger the wind gets — and it's always in your face.
— Jack Nicklaus
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as
ever.
— Don Marquis
Old age equalizes — we are aware that what is happening to us has happened to untold numbers from the
beginning of time. When we are young we act as if we were the first young people in the world.
— Eric Hoffer
Twenty years a child; twenty years running wild; twenty years a mature man — and after that,
praying.
— Irish Proverb.
No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
— Oscar Wilde
Old age is not a disease — it is strength and survivorship, triumph over all kinds of vicissitudes and
disappointments, trials and illnesses.
— Maggie Kuhn
Only in America . . . do these peasants, our mothers, get their hair dyed platinum at the age of sixty,
and walk up and down Collins Avenue in Florida in pedalpushers and mink stoles — and with opinions on every
subject under the sun. It isn't their fault they were given a gift like speech — look, if cows could talk,
they would say things just as idiotic.
— Philip Roth
I would pick on someone my own age but they are all dead now.
— Author Unknown
When I was young, the Dead Sea was still alive.
— George Burns
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
— Will Roger
I'm 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if there were fifteen months in every year, I'd
only be 48. That's the trouble with us. We number everything. Take women, for example. I think they deserve
to have more than twelve years between the ages of 28 and 40.
— James Thurber
I feel nothing but the accursed happiness I have dreaded all my life long: the happiness that comes as life
goes, the happiness of yielding and dreaming instead of resisting and doing, the sweetness of the fruit
that is going rotten.
— George Bernard Shaw
Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy man has no time to
form.
— André Maurois
Growing old's like being increasingly penalized for a crime
you haven't committed.
— Anthony Powell
A lady of a "certain age," which means
Certainly aged.
— Lord Byron
A man has every season while a woman only has the right to spring. That disgusts me.
— Jane Fonda
I don't believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one
stands still and stagnates.
— T. S. Eliot
For the first fourteen years for a rod they do whine,
For the next as a pearl in the world they do shine,
For the next trim beauty beginneth to swerve,
For the next matrons or drudges they serve,
For the next doth crave a staff for a stay,
For the next a bier to fetch them away.
— Thomas Tusser
The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet
you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.
— T. S. Eliot
Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no
longer the vigor to commit.
— Ambrose Bierce
If youth but knew; if age but could.
— Henri Estienne
Youth is not a question of years: one is young or old from birth.
— Natalie Clifford Barney
Youth has no age.
— Pablo Picasso
Whatever poet, orator, or sage
May say of it, old age is still old age.
— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
